As this blog will be about awareness and meditation, I am not sure if there ever was a beginning. I am reminded of the famous saying of Gautam Buddha, that darkness, unconsciousness has no beginning, but an end. And enlightenment has a beginning, but no end.
So for me, there certainly was a beginning in darkness and unconsciousness, but at the moment I remember now I wouldn’t even have known the meaning of these words…
The realization that I knew nothing hit me when I was just 12 years old.
I was standing in the basement of my parents house, looking out into a cold and dark winter night. There were all these lighted windows of other houses in the neighbourhood, and I knew there must be people living there, having lifes I knew nothing about. The question started coming up in my mind: What makes these people live? Why do they live in this way? What are their hopes and dreams? And then the question turned to myself: Why do I live? Is there any meaning or purpose in my life? I certainly didnt have any answer, but in that moment a decision arose deep inside of me: I need to find out. I need to understand what life is all about.

Even though this moment now lies back more than 50 years in the past, I can still feel it resonating inside me. This inner need to understand about myself, about life and consciousness has guided me in all these years, has been an essential part of my life and is with me now. And whatever glimpses of understanding have come to me in my journey – now is the time to share them with whoever might be interested. Its the journey of life, of love, of ecstasy, but also of confusion and pain.